basket head/case

ah, remember when you were little and you dreamt of your wedding. a big beautiful white dress, pretty pretty flowers, a handsome groom, and little birds singing and putting the ribbon on your dress...ok, so that was a disney movie. but whatevs. it was enchanted.

here's what people do not tell you.

1. everything gets marked up at the sheer mention of "wedding" -- somewhere between 50-100%. seriously, i should work in this business.
2. your favorite flowers won't be in season on your wedding day...and you'll be told that you're just not getting married the right time of year.
3. wedding dress sizes are designed to make you feel morbidly obese. oh you're a size 6 in real life? well that makes you a size 24 triple extra large. way to go fatty.
4. vendors won't call you back even though you're basically begging them to take your money.
5. oh and you will have nightmares starting about 3-4 months before the big day.

so for the past couple weeks my much needed beauty rest has been rudely interrupted with nightmares. wedding nightmares....and these nightmares are the ones where you feel like you are living it and there's no waking up....not the ones where you know it's a dream and just need to will yourself awake. the positive is that when you do actually wake up and the initial panic (and your bloodpressure) subsides, they are pretty funny and ridiculous. this week, i wanted to share some of my favorite nightmares. yes, i said favorite nightmares.

i'll begin with the one i had last night. i rode a bus (fancy) into dc for my wedding and the entire time was talking so random person about all the details (this doesn't seem so odd as i will talk to anyone who's willing to listen). i get to the hotel only it's not my hotel and all the guests are there. i ask my mom what time it is and she says 2:30pm which means i've missed my ceremony. but upon looking at the clock it's just 9am which only means that i should still be getting ready (and that my mom doesn't know how to tell time). i rush to some basement where i find my bridesmaids...only 3 of them. they inform me that the others had other plans and won't be able to make it. no hair/makeup people have arrived so i'm instantly thinking of who i can call on a 9am on saturday to come to the hotel and get us ready. oh and in looking in the mirror, i realize i forgot to order my veil.....soooooooo, i'm wearing a basket on my head. perfect.

others are along the same lines -- people not showing up, being late, forgetting it was my wedding day. in one of my other favorite nightmares, i am at the church ready to go only my parents haven't arrived. they finally get there. my brother runs in to meet up with the other groomsmen and my mom rushes in. apparently my dad is the only one that didn't get the memo that it's a wedding as he is wearing a button down and khakis. we go into the foyer of the church and people have already started the cocktail hour. so i'm standing there in my wedding dress begging people to go sit down for the ceremony. my dad and i start to walk towards the church doors and i realize i can't see anything. no i'm not blind but my blusher is apparently made of blackout fabric. ok, not quite but i can't see anything. so i pull it off and see my fiance's friends in the back of the church drinking beer and eating hot dogs (this actually might happen on the wedding day). i immediately start grabbing the beers and throwing them out. then! i start to walk down the aisle and there's no groom. no, we get to the alter and i have to wait for my fiance to walk down the aisle.

the last category of nightmares is just having the wedding day arrive and i'm still mid-planning. this means, that i either haven't ordered flowers and am rushing to whole foods to buy flowers for centerpieces and bouquets or i'm still planning and it's the wedding day only i didn't realize it so i've missed the ceremony and i'm asking if people can just come back tomorrow. do over, please.

see, ridiculous right? kind of like those first day of school nightmares...only this time, you're wearing a wedding dress and a basket on your head. how fashion forward. if you see it on the runways next season, just remember you heard it here first.

the b(log) is back.

ok people, i am back! i took a brief hiatus to attend weddings, take care of engagement photos, and go to vegas to celebrate bachelorettehood (and, i realize that's not even a real word). it's all done and i'm back to the things that really matter....blogging!