planes, trains, and automobiles (au-to-mo-beeeel)?

this past year has been my great travel-cation - park city, cabo, napa, philly, madison, milwaukee, new york...i know, i know,  you are so jealous of all my exotic travels (especially wisconsin). i'm sure at this point my employer is wondering exactly how much vacation time i actually have (not to worry, mr. employer. you have kept me plenty busy. i'm working very hard, promise.)

all this travel has been a mix of planes and trains and yes the [dreaded] roadtrip. so here's a breakdown of the experience and some do's and don'ts as you embark on your holiday travel.

planes. i usually love planes just because it's the fastest way of getting anywhere. but there are drawbacks. many of them.

1. checking bags. i hate it. my clothes just mean too much to me to have them lost or stranded god knows where for hours, days, forever.  so the idea of checking my bags just feels like clothing neglect and abuse. 
2. miniature, elf-size toiletries. not checking bags = toy size toiletries. cute as they may be, it feels a little like i'm rationing out beauty. for the most part, i'd say i've mastered it. lots of samples and little travel jars filled my luscious creams and dreamy beauty products. but given the rationing that these little bottles require,  i probably walk around with a little too much mascara under my eyes than is appropriate.  maybe that's why i look so tired??
3. chatty folks.  on a recent trip, i had a early morning flight, which meant i woke up at an obscene hour...too early to even mention. all i wanted was to board the plane, snuggle up, and take the closest thing i could to a nap.  then SHE boarded. the 19 y.o. american university student (yes YOU) who thought that the entire aircraft wanted to hear her life story for 2 hours. from the second she boarded until the second we landed and i finally ran off the plane, she talked...and talked...and talked. i'm not sure she took a breath. i (we, the plane) had the pleasure of hearing all about her major, her hometown, her boyfriend, her theories on psychological disorders,  her knowledge and understanding of technology, her high school life, and her political and religious thoughts. basically, i could write this girl's biography. maybe my lack of patience is just a sign that i'm an old lady who feels the urge to sssshushhhh everyone. maybe when i was 19, i thought i've lived enough life and needed to share my enlightened existence.
4. security lines. no, i'm not going to complain about the new tsa policies because, personally, i'd like to feel safe when i board a plane. i just wish that people knew how to navigate a security line. get your laptop out.  take off your belt. your shoes go on the conveyer belt. and no, contrary to what you may have thought, you are not exempt from the 3:1:1 liquid rule so you'll have to leave your 20 oz bottle of lotion at home. seriously, how do you not know the rules?

trains. i've traveled by train a handful of times. mainly through europe (god, i sound so worldly, don't i?) but my last 2 trips to nyc have been by train. there are definitely pros to trains - no security lines, no elf-size toiletries required, and best of all THE QUIET CAR (not that i've ever been in the quiet car because it just sounds like it would be too much pressure to be quiet, but god bless them for having the idea).  i think for the most part, trains are a close second to planes and may actually take the lead of preferred means of travel (for short distances). but there are a couple drawbacks...

1.  the return trip. i don't know about you but i like to have an assigned gate, go sit down, and board my train in a nice, civilized, orderly fashion. i guess nyc hates this idea. it wants people to line up and stare at the big board, wait anxiously for the announcer, and remain in ready position until seconds before boarding begins to race/climb/push others to get to the train.
2. seat assignments. i like the idea that you can sit anywhere but i guess the danny tanner in me just wishes we had assigned seats. maybe that would make boarding more orderly and less of musical chairs affair. 

automobiles. au-to-mo-beeel? god, i loved 16 candles....and any opportunity to use that line from the movie. too bad i hate road trips. the idea of being in a car for more than 2 hours is excruciating. maybe it's the fact that my commute in rush hour can take up to an hour or more but being trapped in my car is not my idea of a good time. it's cramped. you have to go to some gross rest stop to use the bathroom, and if you are not the one driving, then you have to keep the driver awake with fun, amazing stories. i mean, who am i? some 19 y.o. american university student? 

so as you embark on your holiday travels, regardless of your means of transportation, remember a few rules of the skies/tracks/roads:

1. pack light and leave your adult size toiletries at home. otherwise, i'll probably be behind you in the security line rolling my eyes. and maybe this time, i'll actually work up the nerve to say something to your face. beware.
2. pack your headphones. chances are that some college kid is going to want to talk about how awesome their last frat party was so you better be prepared to ignore them.
3. wear comfortable shoes. remember, you'll need to place them on the conveyer belt in security and people are not going to want to wait for you to unbuckle, untie, unzip them. so be smart about it.  again, i might be in line behind you and there will be a serious absence of holiday cheer if you lack efficiency. also, you will need to be able to run to your gate at a moment's notice. practice sprinting with your suitcase.

happy travels :)