getting married is wonderful. going on a three week honeymoon is amazing. gaining weight from said honeymoon, lacks in awesomeness.
so before the wedding i was a workout fiend...wake up, workout, go to the office, come home, workout, go to bed. my very own two-a-days. i was like an "at-heat-stroke-risk" texan high school football player. i was on a strict nutrition plan and somehow i managed to stay consistent without throwing myself in front of oncoming traffic or passing out on a treadmill a la dj tanner (full house reference for those ignorant folks who claim to have never watched that show). the wedding came, my dress fit, i felt amazing, and then i was wisked away to italy and greece for three glorious weeks (my life sounds tragic, i know). our meals resembled episodes of man vs. food, more than they were normal dinners for humans. but who cares, i was honeymooning. i was blissful. my clothes were too big for me anyway.
that came to an end.
i gained about 9 lbs on that trip (all worth it) until i realized i had to workout to get rid of the poundage. now, i was never heavy to start with, although i did put on about 15 pounds in the 3 years i dated my husband. but far from obese, morbidly or otherwise. and for the wedding i dropped that love weight and then some.
so here i was, back to reality and i decided, you know what, i'll sign up for bootcamp. my trainer, who i worked with during the wedding (i'm not some hollywood glamazon who has a full-time trainer), was leading the class and i figured why not. the primary drawback was that it was at 6am twice a week...but twice a week? i could manage.
so, week 1 of bootcamp. i was in class ready to go. the warm up - easy. the first 30 min - cake. god, this is bootcamp? and then came our drills -- races, suicides, weird jumps -- over and over again. i finally realized what it must feel like to be a 400 lb woman on the biggest loser. 5 more minutes and i would have been throwing up in the corner and crying...you know, standard biggest loser workout. (god, they're always crying, aren't they? but then again if jillian michaels was in my face calling me a fatty, i'd be in tears too).
week 2 of bootcamp. we ran stairs. i mean do i need to say more than that? it was as awful as it sounds. maybe i have sports-induced asthma. you know, from all those sports i play. still no vomiting, which is a plus.
week 3 of bootcamp. we did stations. my least favorite - jump rope. how is it that i can go to spin class for 90 min but 1 min intervals of jump rope are pure torture? and as if i need more reason to hate jump ropes, on my way out of class (i leave early to go to spin immediately afterward bc i'm psychotic), i was whacked in the arm by someone jump-roping. insult to injury...or perhaps in this case it was injury to insult? who knows? i hate jump ropes.
well, i only (only! ha!) have 5 more weeks of bootcamp to go. i'll keep you posted on the vomit watch but in the meantime, i've lost 4 lbs. take that italy!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
dial m for murder
about a week and a half ago marked a huge dent in my 2010 inner peace. each year, i figure i start with a certain amount of inner peace...a glass half full sort of thing. and throughout the year, small (and large) annoyances deplete the supply. so there i was, jan 2010, ready for the new year, complete with my own set of resolutions (one of which is to be more patient..remember this because it will tie into the story).
on a friday morning, i decide to work from home and am sitting on my couch with my laptop typing away on a report (yes, apparently high school student is my occupation). anyway, my cell phone rings. a quick glance reveals a 702 area code. that's weird. where the hell is 702? oh well, it is probably someone from the office on their cell or something. so i ignore it. ha, kidding. no, i answered it. and it was some guy, who by the way slaughtered my name, asking if i'd be interested in an online degree. "no," i said, "i have no interest. how did you get this number?" he said, "you uh...filled out some form online." hmmm, descriptive. "no, i didn't fill out any forms online. nice try stupid" (i didn't say the "nice try stupid" but it was implied in my tone). "don't call me," i said and hung up. 1 hour later the phone rings. 704 area code. i answer and same thing. 1 hour later, phone rings, 710 area code. same thing. 1 hour later, phone rings. this time i pick up and just hold down a button hoping to deafen the caller. apparently, it didn't work because they called back...every hour, for the next 8 hours.
during this psychotic telemarketing assualt, i logged onto the national do not call registry and entered my cell phone. all the while, i was running through what i had done that week that could have possibly given these idiots my number and that's when i realized i ordered sweatpants from nike.com! damn it, that's what i get for trying to be comfortable, yet appear athletic and fit. so the rest of the day, when they called, i just told them i was on the national registry and that they were not legally permitted to call me AND they should delete my number. all this started out rather calm. but by call 7 or 8 i think i just screamed that into the phone. although i'm not sure if it was understandable as it mainly sounded like i was making tazmanian devil noises into the phone and then hanging up.
at 5 pm that friday, the calls ended. those telemarketers sure are quick to go home right at 5pm. i got one call on saturday and i thought that was the end of it. i was mistaken.
monday a.m., the calls began again. this time i decided to go back to my calm, rational, patient approach. so the first call, i answered. "hi this jean from....blah blah blah." "why hello jean. can i get your last name?" "um. why?" "well, i just wanted to know whose name to include in my complaint to the national do not call registry. you see jean, you're not supposed to call numbers on the registry. so i thought i'd report you." hang up. that seemed to go well. then i got another call and i just told them i was on the registry and to remove my number. then around 11, i got my final call. and this time, i went crazycakes. that call went a little something like this....
"hi, i'm calling from..."
"I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU'RE CALLING FROM! I'M ON THE DO NOT CALL REGISTRY, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME! I'VE TOLD YOU IDIOTS TO STOP CALLING ME"
"m'am you need to calm down..."
"SHUT UP. SHUT UP AND YOU LISTEN TO ME. DO NOT F'ING CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN"
"oh now, we are cussing?"
"YES" click.
i wish you could slam a cell phone. it doesn't have as much effect when i scream and then just hit "end call". that round of crazy ended the barrage of calls. maybe word got out that my number will connect you to a screaming hyena. in any case, it worked. and, it just goes to show you that patience gets you nowhere. ah, i love when i learn these life lessons, don't you?
on a friday morning, i decide to work from home and am sitting on my couch with my laptop typing away on a report (yes, apparently high school student is my occupation). anyway, my cell phone rings. a quick glance reveals a 702 area code. that's weird. where the hell is 702? oh well, it is probably someone from the office on their cell or something. so i ignore it. ha, kidding. no, i answered it. and it was some guy, who by the way slaughtered my name, asking if i'd be interested in an online degree. "no," i said, "i have no interest. how did you get this number?" he said, "you uh...filled out some form online." hmmm, descriptive. "no, i didn't fill out any forms online. nice try stupid" (i didn't say the "nice try stupid" but it was implied in my tone). "don't call me," i said and hung up. 1 hour later the phone rings. 704 area code. i answer and same thing. 1 hour later, phone rings, 710 area code. same thing. 1 hour later, phone rings. this time i pick up and just hold down a button hoping to deafen the caller. apparently, it didn't work because they called back...every hour, for the next 8 hours.
during this psychotic telemarketing assualt, i logged onto the national do not call registry and entered my cell phone. all the while, i was running through what i had done that week that could have possibly given these idiots my number and that's when i realized i ordered sweatpants from nike.com! damn it, that's what i get for trying to be comfortable, yet appear athletic and fit. so the rest of the day, when they called, i just told them i was on the national registry and that they were not legally permitted to call me AND they should delete my number. all this started out rather calm. but by call 7 or 8 i think i just screamed that into the phone. although i'm not sure if it was understandable as it mainly sounded like i was making tazmanian devil noises into the phone and then hanging up.
at 5 pm that friday, the calls ended. those telemarketers sure are quick to go home right at 5pm. i got one call on saturday and i thought that was the end of it. i was mistaken.
monday a.m., the calls began again. this time i decided to go back to my calm, rational, patient approach. so the first call, i answered. "hi this jean from....blah blah blah." "why hello jean. can i get your last name?" "um. why?" "well, i just wanted to know whose name to include in my complaint to the national do not call registry. you see jean, you're not supposed to call numbers on the registry. so i thought i'd report you." hang up. that seemed to go well. then i got another call and i just told them i was on the registry and to remove my number. then around 11, i got my final call. and this time, i went crazycakes. that call went a little something like this....
"hi, i'm calling from..."
"I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU'RE CALLING FROM! I'M ON THE DO NOT CALL REGISTRY, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME! I'VE TOLD YOU IDIOTS TO STOP CALLING ME"
"m'am you need to calm down..."
"SHUT UP. SHUT UP AND YOU LISTEN TO ME. DO NOT F'ING CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN"
"oh now, we are cussing?"
"YES" click.
i wish you could slam a cell phone. it doesn't have as much effect when i scream and then just hit "end call". that round of crazy ended the barrage of calls. maybe word got out that my number will connect you to a screaming hyena. in any case, it worked. and, it just goes to show you that patience gets you nowhere. ah, i love when i learn these life lessons, don't you?
Monday, January 4, 2010
2010 - the year of wisdom
so it took about a month but i have returned. it was the holidays though and, really, who has the energy to blog after eating their weight in cookies and sinking into a sugar coma? not this lady.
the month of december was filled with milestones...let's walk through them, shall we?
for the months/years leading up to this birthday, i kicked and screamed. i vowed not to get this old...but then i realized the alternative to not making it to this age was death and i started to change my tune. well, somewhat. i was still pretty grumpy about it. i mean aging is a package deal - it comes with fatigue, wrinkles, a snail-pace metabolism, and, in some severe cases, lameness. mainly though, my concerns centered on the wrinkles (i figure i'm usually tired, i've had bouts of lameness in my younger days, and i'm not morbidly obese yet). so, here i am, pulling on my face to see what it would look like if i had a facelift; researching botox and restalin and pricing out what routine injections would cost; and stockpiling an arsenal of creams, serums, and other anti-aging promises in a jar when, all of a sudden, something amazing happened.
i began playing around with the mac i bought my husband for christmas and started to edit some of my wedding photos. and that's when i discovered it. retouching. i'm going to say it again. retouching. there it was. the answer. who cares about aging if i can just retouch my photos? who needs to stress about wrinkles when i can wipe them away with a few mouse strokes? it's genius really. birthday, shmirthday. aging, schmaging. all i need is my mac (i wonder, if that earns me a sponsorship from apple?)
how's that for some wisdom? just a little something for you to nibble on in 2010. happy new year.
yum!
- i moved out of my place completely. it took almost three months but i'm finally out of there (and by "finally" i mean i sobbed as i was packing. goodbye, my first place).
- next, it was the first married christmas/first christmas out of the dc area. it was definitely different to not be around my family this year for christmas...especially my mom, who i am strangely obsessed with (but that is a topic for an entirely different post altogether)...but it was nice to spend time with my in-laws, who i actually like...a lot...i know, it's weird, right?
- and, lastly, the biggest milestone, of all, i celebrated my big birthday (i can't even bring myself to type the number, that's just how monumental it was).
for the months/years leading up to this birthday, i kicked and screamed. i vowed not to get this old...but then i realized the alternative to not making it to this age was death and i started to change my tune. well, somewhat. i was still pretty grumpy about it. i mean aging is a package deal - it comes with fatigue, wrinkles, a snail-pace metabolism, and, in some severe cases, lameness. mainly though, my concerns centered on the wrinkles (i figure i'm usually tired, i've had bouts of lameness in my younger days, and i'm not morbidly obese yet). so, here i am, pulling on my face to see what it would look like if i had a facelift; researching botox and restalin and pricing out what routine injections would cost; and stockpiling an arsenal of creams, serums, and other anti-aging promises in a jar when, all of a sudden, something amazing happened.
the birthday miracle
how's that for some wisdom? just a little something for you to nibble on in 2010. happy new year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)